Truth telling and tall tales. Tips on how to teach honesty.


While most parents would agree that it’s important to raise honest children, teaching honesty to kindergartners can be tricky because of how their minds work at this age - somewhere between the magical thinking of the young child and the logical thoughts of age 7 and up.  They’re past the preschool stage, with its incredible growth spurt for language and creativity, but they haven’t quite reached the age when we can always expect them to know what’s real and what’s “just pretend.”     

When your child tells a whopper, how do you know if she’s deliberately lying or just using her imagination?  What do you do when the teacher informs you that your little angel has told the class (as mine did) that he lives in a teepee and eats a live turkey for Thanksgiving, feathers and all?  Do you discipline him, or do you just chuckle and enjoy the moment?  

First, it’s important to think of your kindergartner as a truth-teller-in-training, treating her with lots of compassion while she learns.  Second, let the punishment fit the crime—be flexible in how you respond, considering the potential for harm in each case.  There’s a big difference between a Tall Tale and a lie that could hurt someone.  One might just create a funny family memory, while the other could call for serious consequences.

Here are some of the ways kids (and grownups) fail to tell the truth:  

• Exaggeration for effect, usually designed to impress (“I ate a million hot dogs at the baseball game!”)
• Wishful, “as-if” thinking (“I’m going to Disney World tomorrow!”)
• Denial of wrongdoing, avoiding punishment (“Not me, Joey did it!”)
• Denial of unacceptable feelings (“I’m not angry!”—while standing with clenched fists)
• Socially expected dishonesty (“Yes,Grandma, I love the present you gave me!”)

While you should always try to understand your child’s temptations, you still do need to teach your child clearly that honesty is the best policy. 
 

Here are some tips for teaching your child to tell the truth:

• First and most important, model honesty as a lifestyle.  If the restaurant sign says “Kids under 5 eat free” and your child is 6, pay the tab.  Actions speak louder than words.
• Take responsibility for your own mistakes.  If you’re not afraid to admit a mistake and apologize, your child will be less afraid when it’s his turn.   A little forgiveness goes a long way.
• Encourage your child to identify and express her feelings.  Teach her that feeling angry is okay, while hitting her brother is not.
• Talk with her during a warm, cuddly moment about how important it is for people to be honest so that they can trust each other and be happy together.
• Avoid exposing your child to TV shows and movies that serve up a steady diet of deception for the sake of comedy - Instead, read stories depicting honesty as a virtue, like Pinocchio or The Boy who Cried ‘Wolf’.
• Teach your child how to use her fingers to hold up the letter “T” whenever she hears a tall tale, which is just for fun and is different from a lie.

By teaching your child to tell the truth while preserving her budding imagination, you will prepare her well for a lifetime of healthy relationships and good clean fun.

By Dr. Karen Struble

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