Is your child flying off the handle a little too often. Angry feelings can be scary to the young child and for the parent.

For some young children, learning to deal with angry feelings can be a challenge. These feelings are new to them and they have not yet learned how to manage them. When children are angry they may hit, yell, throw and say hurtful things eg, "I hate you" or "You are the meanest mommy". What can you do to help your child learn to manage their angry feelings?

• Stay cool. Getting angry yourself will usually make the problem worse. Talk in a quiet, calm manner.
• Acknowledge your child's anger - "You feel so angry when Sammy takes your toys and breaks them". Sometimes just having someone name the feeling, lets the child know that someone understands and may help to calm them down.
• Let your child know it is ok to be angry, but there are appropriate and inappropriate ways to express anger.
• If you feel your child is out of control remove them from the situation.  Wait until your child calms down before you try to talk to him. You may have to sit and hold him if he is intent on harming a sibling or others. You can say "I will let you go when you have calmed down"
• If the child is old enough, talk with him to figure out what makes him feel angry. For example - Could he be being bullied by siblings or at school? Is he feeling angry about a new baby?
• Teach children to recognize when they feel angry. They may feel fear, a pain in the chest, or experience other signs such as clenched fists, rapid breathing.
• Think about how you manage your anger and model ways to deal with anger. For example "I'm feeling really angry at the moment I think I need to count to ten and calm down a little".

Show them ways to handle their angry feelings in a positive way 

• Draw a picture of their angry feelings.
• Have your child tell someone when they are angry at them. Remind them to use their words. Give them the words if they do not have them yet eg "Amy is feeling angry at you for knocking down her tower".
• Express angry feelings by tearing paper, punching a pillow,or by doing something physical like running / jumping. 
• Blow up a paper bag and pop it.
• Squeeze playdough.

Some children pass through this stage rather quickly. For other children anger is part of their temperament, so it is important to learn how to manage these feelings.  You know your child. If you are at all concerned with your child's behavior talk to a family counselor.

By Nicole Rawson-Huff

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