One of the most common complaints parents have is when they have asked their child to do something and the child says “NO”!

Even if the child doesn’t say no, they often ignore the request and carry on with what they are doing. This is normal behavior and your preschooler will require some convincing to see things your way!! Try the following strategies next time your child shows defiant behavior:

• Be clear and consistent about your expectations - Communicate clearly, get their attention and make eye contact. Make your request short and positive. Try not to nag.
• Practice what you preach! - Ensure you are modeling the behavior you expect from your child. Are you constantly yelling out NO when asked to do things? Think about your behavior (and your partners), as your child will be watching and learning from your example.
• Phrasing requests… Think about how you are asking your child to do things e.g. It’s time to get in the bath", as opposed to “Would you like to get in the bath now?". Sometimes something as simple as how you phrase things can stop “NO" being a possible answer.
• Be patient - Let your child know you are on their side. Try not to rush them, be understanding and try not to get angry.
• Set realistic goals - Five years olds need limits placed on them. It makes them feel safe and you will need to be consistent and realistic with your expectations. They have the right to say ‘NO’ if it is unobtainable! Think about their age and what they are physically, mentally and emotionally capable of doing.
• Have as few rules as possible but stick to them - Sit down as a family and talk about what rules are important and what are the consequences. Get your kindergartner to talk about the rules at their school and what happens if they are broken.
• Reward good behavior -  Catch your child being good. Reward them with positive reinforcement and plenty of hugs!
• Stay positive - Imagine there is a video camera following you through your day. If you played it back and counted how may positive things, as opposed to negative things you said to your child, how would you do?
• Time out - Your child may need to go to a safe time out space to think about their behavior. Some parents chose send their child to their room to cool down. Make sure you clearly state why you have put your child in time-out and what behavior you are expecting. Time out does not need to be viewed as a negative place; it can be a calm quiet place to go. You may need to put yourself there from time to time!!
• Empower your child - Give them opportunities to make their own choices. Give them choices where possible. Try to slow the pace down when things get rushed.
• Choose your battles -  Some things are simply not worth battling about. Think about your child’s behavior and decide if there are some things you are prepared to slide e.g. your child’s terrible color combination clothing choices.
• Distract, distract, distract - Always try to avoid situations that are going to cause problems (where possible), but if you find yourself in one of those situations use distraction to avoid a scene.

We need to remember that disciplining our preschoolers does not have to mean controlling them. It means teaching them ways to control themselves. Punishment might get them to behave, but only because they are afraid of the consequences. The best thing for your preschooler is to be intrinsically motivated - that is, to do the right thing because they want to, because it makes the day more fun and it makes them feel good.

In conclusion, be patient and consistent with your approach. Remember your child is a little person who is growing and evolving in to an individual. Have respect for the learning they are doing but ensure they are safe and happy at the same time!

Related Tips

• Following instructions - (ages 2-4)
• Do you find that when you ask your young child to do something within 10 seconds they’ve forgotten.
• more

• Lying (ages 2-4)
• "My preschooler has started lying - what do I do?"
• more