Asking Permission - Part five

1. Go to the person in charge.
2. Ask in the form of a question.
3. Wait for an answer.

• Remember to intentionally teach your child how to ask for permission.  You could say, “Jessica, I am going to teach you how to ask permission to do somethings because asking permission is important for staying safe.  First, I want you to go to the person in charge…that’s the adult, like Mommy or Daddy.  Then, ask a question such as ‘May I please have a snack?’ Next, just wait for an answer.  Now let’s practice.”  Remember you will need to repeat these instructions again and again as situations come up.  You want your child to tell them back to you without help…oh yeah, and to do them too.
• Think ahead about when you want your child to ask for permission.  Asking to be excused from the dinner table can begin at an early age.  Other times include: playing with particularly messy toys (like blocks or a train set), having a snack, going outside or off the porch, and watching television.  Establishing routine opportunities for asking permission will reinforce the skill so that it can transfer to other situations later—such as a classroom.
• Give your child a chance to initiate this skill after teaching it.  When she forgets to ask permission, you need to get down at eye-level, establish eye contact, and ask her to tell you the steps for asking permission.  This gentle, respectful intervention takes deliberate effort on your part, so slowly introduce situations for asking permission. (Don’t frustrate yourself or your child with too much at once.)  
• Teaching your child to ask permission is not being controlling.  Obviously, your preschooler will make hundreds of decisions independently each day (that’s why they need that afternoon rest time).  But in certain situations—ones that you deem important—you are the best judge of what your child chooses to do.  As your child becomes older, especially school-age, you will gradually hand more decisions over to him in areas that he has proven to have good judgment.
• Asking permission establishes a structure for authority in your home that ultimately fosters your child’s sense of independence.  That is, as she senses who is in charge, she will develop a sense of security and a positive sense of self in relationship to those she loves and respects.

Next: Part six - Accepting consequences

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