I’m asked this question a lot by worried parents concerned about how their little one will fare in a new environment…that big transition to kindergarten. 

Entering kindergarten is a real milestone for many kids and parents. For both, it’s seen as a definitive moment that your child is now officially a BIG kid! But with more and more kids attending preschools and childcare facilities with programs designed to resemble a school setting, kindergarten does not necessarily have to be as huge a transition as you might think. And what I have discovered is that because children are in school-like environments earlier, the social problems they may encounter will occur even earlier also.

Parents of young children worry even more about whether their child will be accepted by other children or teased and bullied right from the start. In my daughter’s first year at preschool, she was frequently upset by a “best” friend who was often “mean” to her. The friend would tell her (they were 3 years old) “I don’t want to play with you”; “I’m not your friend now”; and she was simply downright bossy! Sometimes she would pull at my daughter’s arm or insist that my daughter play with her and then run away to play with someone else without including my daughter.

As much as it upset me to see my baby’s feelings hurt, I had to resist the urge to go and fight her battles directly for her (trust me I wanted to). I can’t control how other people treat my child, but I can teach her how to respond. What I realized was that she was going to encounter people like this often in her life, and she needed to know how to handle this herself. Bullies exist everywhere and will find any excuse to target someone. Adults get bullied too - by bosses, spouses, relatives, and colleagues. And it isn’t always the “misfits” that get targeted. I have worked with adult clients teased as children because they dressed “better” than everyone else. The one thing that seems to remain constant is how a child RESPONDS to the teasing/bullying determines whether or not it continues or escalates. The child who can walk away, continue to feel good about him or herself, and laugh it off, isn’t likely to become a lifetime target. This is why the ultimate goal of empowering children to deflect bullying is to give them defensive moves for the rest of their lives. It makes sense to learn independence, laughter, and deflective moves as a child than to slog through life from one victimization to the next, hoping for someone to rescue you.

As a parent, one of the most important things to be aware of is your own behavior and what you are modeling for your child. Many parents don’t realize the impact their own words and actions have on their children.

• How do you engage in relationships with others?
• How do you engage with your child?
• Are you a shy, quiet or anxious person who tends to hang back and observe situations before engaging with other people?
• Does your child observe dominant or domineering behavior in their household? Is one parent more submissive and gives in to the wishes of the other?
• Do all family members show love, respect, compassion, and empathy for each other?
• How are conflict and anger handled in the family?

Children observe and take in information from everything that goes on in their environment so it’s really important to model the behaviors you want your child to have.

Not sure where to start? Here are some tips to consider that will help your child to have a successful start in school.

Next: 3 Tips to Bully-Proofing Your Child

By Samantha Madhosingh, Psy.D. - Dr. Madhosingh is a clinical psychologist and professional coach with expertise in child development, family issues, parenting, and trauma. She has a private practice in Washington, DC and Northern Virginia providing an array of mental health and coaching services to adults, children, adolescents and families.  Dr. Madhosingh loves being the mother of her 5-year-old daughter and engaging in the wonderful journey of parenthood. Dr. Madhosingh can be found on Twitter @DrSMadhosingh and on Facebook on her Fan Page Parenting 101. Her website www.parenting101gps.com provides information for parents.